Learning right from wrong is a hard thing to do when you grow up the way I did. See as a small child you think your parents are always right. Your look up to them thinking they are perfect. Surely if they say it then it must be true.
In my earliest memories I was being sodomized by my father and I was so young I had no idea it was wrong. I was scared, I knew that it was painful, but I really thought that my father was telling the truth when he claimed that was how "daddy's show love for their baby girls". For so many years I struggled with that. For years I had no clue what was going on was wrong. People have asked me if I fought. How it went on for so many years? Why didn't you tell? Sadly I asked myself some of the same questions. I struggled with the idea that some how I allowed my father to molest me.
As I became an adult I came to terms with what happened to me and it was several years before I had that thought again. I thought that I never would again. Then one day in a heated screaming match with my first husband he said it. He shouted at me how it was my own fault because I let him. Those words came out his mouth for only one reason. That reason was he felt like he was losing an argument and he wanted to hurt me any way he could to knock me back down. It worked. Out of all the horrible things my first husband did this is the only thing that has continued to hurt me. It's crazy really. As much of a control freak as I am it would make sense to just let go of that heated moment. To know that they were words of anger only. Yet even though I am now remarried to a man who would never say something like that I still have moments where I question myself.
Don't get me wrong as the years went by I learned what right and wrong were, but by the time I got out I was 15. 10 years of that I have random memories of. I have no idea when the abuse started but I'm guessing it started before my earliest memory around 5 years old. How sick can a person be? I now have children of my own. I couldn't imagine hurting my babies. Anyone who would doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as the rest of us. It may have taken a while but I learned right from wrong.