Friday, June 10, 2016

An Open Letter to Judge Aaron Persky and the Survivor of Rape in the Brock Turner Case

I hate open letters. I'll be honest, I think they are quite silly and a waste of energy most of the time. However here I sit with a social media feed full of Brock Turner, and I am both angered and sad. I find myself wishing I could do something. Something more than just signing a petition or sharing a post. As a survivor of 10 years of rape, I know the realities of what this young woman is going through. It doesn't matter if a person is raped once or thousands of times the feeling left is the same.

 Judge Aaron Persky, 

      A young lady stood before you, a victim of rape. Your only job was to deliver her justice and sentence accordingly. Instead you chose to not deliver her justice because "A prison sentence would have a severe impact on him.". So Judge I ask you did you think about saying this before you did? Did you assume that because the defendant was a rich white guy that no one would care that you stated this? Did you not think about what impact this rape will cause this young lady?

     Let me tell you. You have no idea what impact YOU will feel from this! These are not your old school days. These are the times of social media. These are the times of constant media. These are the times when online petitions can actually do something. These are the times when we will all know what kind of man YOU are. You will not be safe from judgment for the rest of your life. Your family will face judgement, your wife, your children, your brothers and sisters, your grandchildren, all because they ended up with YOU as a family member. They will face ridicule because you decided that a rich white guy was more important than the rape victim.

     In those moments when you feel like it isn't fair that your wife, children, or grandchildren be judged for your mistake I hope you will think about that young lady who laid behind a dumpster while Brock Turner raped her and which impact should have been your priority.

     The only impact you should have been worrying about is the impact all of this had on the victim. Alcohol is not an excuse for rape. Being drunk is not asking for rape. No amount of alcohol excuses the behavior of Brock Turner, and no amount of alcohol equals to consent!

     The survivor of rape in this case will go through the rest of her life having to deal with not only what Brock Turner did, but what you failed to do. She will have dreams about what was done to her. She will have memories that will never fade of how she felt getting a rape kit done.She will have to live her life knowing the man who raped her is free to carry on.

     Aaron Persky, By giving a 6 month sentence for RAPE you are not only a disappointment as a judge, you are a disappointment as a man, as a fellow human. I hope you carry this as a regret for the rest of your life. I can speak with experience, your actions WILL impact this young woman for many years to come. You failed her, and in failing her you failed all of us.


     I thought for a couple minutes trying to figure out what to refer to you as. The victim, the raped, the victim of rape. I wondered what you would want to be called. I suppose you would want to be called your name, or ideally nothing because this would have never happened. Instead I will call you what I wanted to be called. I never liked the idea of the word victim. Your letter that I read makes it very clear what you are.

     You are a survivor. You have just joined a group of men and women who you never wanted to join, but oh let me tell you. You have just joined one kick ass group of people. WE are survivors! WE will stand by you. WE will stick up for you. WE will be there for you if you let us.

     This army of We is strong. We have gone through what you have and become survivors. We know you never asked to become one of us. We know that consent is not determined based on the number of drinks you have had. We know your judge is a fucking idiot! We know your worth is not determined by what this low life rich guy did to you. We know it will be rough. We know there will be times when getting up or pushing forward is not something you want to do. We know that you never deserved to go through this. We know that your attacker deserved more time. If WE had our say he wouldn't have anything left to ever use on any woman ever again. We will be doing what we can without knowing you to stop this from happening to others. We will blast Brock Turner on social media. We will blast the judge. We will sign the petitions. Most importantly we will continue fighting for all of WE to spread awareness.

     I know there are no words I can say to make you feel better. I know there is nothing that can be done by our open letters or our petition signing that will make the pain go away. I know that even though there are thousands of fellow survivors rallying behind you, you are simply trying to manage through one more day. I will not be the person to tell you all things happen for a reason. I will not be the person to tell you that time will make it better. What I will tell you is that in time you will learn to cope. You may be coping well, or you might not, and you may cope well for 10 years and suddenly it all comes back, we never know. But when coping feels impossible, just know in time coping becomes easier.

     I'm sorry you have to face this. I am sorry you have become one of us. I'm sorry there is nothing I can say or do for you that will change how you feel. I just wanted you to know, if this ever makes it to you, that you are supported. That thousands upon thousands of fellow survivors stand behind you and beside you. We care even if this judge did not. We care about the impact this all has on you. We are sorry that you had to become one of us, but we welcome you with support, tears, and love! I hope time makes things easier on you. If you ever need an ear that understands we are everywhere!

Friday, April 29, 2016

Why My Sudden Outing of Judge Rawl?




Why Wait to Out Previous Judge Victor Rawl?

I woke up this morning with an email. It asked me "After all of these years, why now? Why did you wait to say anything about this judge until now? You you are just picking on an old man, and what you are doing may hurt his families feelings".

So I will explain it for those of you wondering why I waited so many years.

First of all the article about him was first written 4 years ago in 2012. My journey of dealing with everything that happened to me has not and will not be a quick and over type of thing. I will live with what my father did, what his attorney did, and what this judge allowed to happen until the day I die. So why should those at fault carry any less burden?

Will Victor Rawl's family go through any more pain than myself and my family will go through because of his actions? I highly doubt it, unless my father also raped him and he also let my dad off for that.

Some will cry slander, but it isn't slander if I have the case files to prove it. I have screen shot every public record with this judges name on it relevent to my case, so even if he were to somehow have them all removed (which he can't) I still have the evidence to prove he let a a person charged with a sex crime not only plea down, but also sentenced him to time served on a 10 year sentence even though he only served 6 months.

So Why Now?

The internet is an amazing thing. Now the internet lets me share things with social media outlets across the world. So I have to ask Why NOT now? I see it as a perfect thing. 

On top of that this man, Victor Rawl is still active in making decisions as a County Councilman for Charleston, SC county. Should we really have someone making decisions for the masses when he failed to protect children while serving as a Circuit Judge? 

If he had failed your child would you let him off so easy?  I know I wouldn't. So this is why I am now bringing this out so much. 

The man who spend my entire childhood raping me is out free, allowed to have contact with other children if he wishes. I will not stop until either my father passes away, or someone is held accountable.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Life as an Older Aged Out Foster Child

Really, am I calling myself OLDER now? Well yes I guess I am. In my 30's now. Feeling older. I haven't written much because well, I've had life going on. My writing time has been slim and I have tried to keep it on the website or on hubpages.
I'm going to make an attempt to keep everyone informed from now on.
My life seems to be a never ending circle of crap, more crap, a little bit of great, followed by more crap. Maybe I am a poor decision maker, maybe I am just doomed to be in this cycle. I really don't get it.

At the end of last year I was diagnosed with Lupus, Rheumatoid arthritis, Fibromyalgia, and Hypothyroidism. My pain levels go from fully functional to not walking in a matter of hours. I'm on a handful of medicines now, each with their own messed up side effects.

On top of that I had to quit working. Even though 50% of my work was from home I became unpredictable. The other 50% was driving 8-10 hours 1-3 days a week which was no longer possible. My knees and hips can't handle long amounts of sitting or standing. I don't know why I have all of this.

On top of that the change in our income has become a strain. We are looking to move to a more affordable home now. Our home is requiring my husband to work 50+ hours a week just to stay a float. I'd like to relieve him of that by getting a cheaper home. So I've been packing.

Through all of this bad a little good has happened. My kids are doing AMAZING. I've also found sort of an internet mom online to write to and vent about life's problems and get advice from. Not really use to someone caring, so it sure is nice.

I'm going to do my best to get back into writing here a bit more. Life goes on, but writing is my vent. I hope everyone in the internet world is doing great.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Stranger Danger

So yesterday while sitting in the school line waiting to pick up my boys, my husband and I got into a discussion. These days instead of pulling up to a school and the children being dismissed and running out to find their parents car, children are dismissed a couple at a time to parents who are stuck waiting in a line for almost an hour moving slowly. So why this ridiculous measure? Because to keep children safe we must not allow them any freedom at all!! Let me tell you what's wrong with this picture.

Every 40 seconds in the USA a child is kidnapped. That's right, in the time you've been reading this a child has been kidnapped. Sad right? Well we haven't even gotten to the sad part yet, but we will. One in every 10,000 children kidnapped will die.

So you ask, "Why would you have a problem with protecting our children as much as possible in light of these statistics?" and to that I tell you we are protecting them from the wrong people.

Out of all the children kidnapped only 1.4% are kidnapped by a stranger. Let me make sure you read correct, that's ONE POINT FOUR PERCENT. See this is my point. 98.6% of children kidnapped are kidnapped either by a relative or family friend NOT STRANGERS!

Every year approximately 800,000 children will be kidnapped. Out of that only a little over 11,000 will be taken by strangers.
Each year there are 6 million reports of child abuse. Out of all the children sexually abused, over 90% are by someone they know.

So are we really doing anything to help our children by teaching them stranger danger? Are we hurting them by not teaching them to we aware of their own family and friends? It seems we put a whole lot of effort into the wrong cause.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

The Broken System

Today while sitting in the waiting room at the hospital ER  with one of my children I saw and heard something that seriously bothered me. It gave me a little reminder about how sad the foster care system really is. A not so friendly reminder that we in the USA only pretend to care about the children who are left abused.

I saw a woman with a child of about 10. He was obviously not feeling well and was sitting very quietly. The woman on the other hand was the kind of person who talks way too much to people she knows far too little. She came in right after us, and when my son finally got called back she was still running her mouth. The kind of person who talks to anyone who gets within listening range.

See this kind of people have always struck me as people who must be lacking something in their lives. Being friendly is one thing, but simply not shutting up is another. Certainly to be like this, one must be either missing something in the head or have something that has caused them to be this way.
So I had no choice but to listen to this woman go on and on. In an hour and a half I could tell you her life story. Worse is I could tell you everything about that poor boy sitting in that chair next to her.
She went on and on about how nothing in her life ever went right, about how this boy never listens, always gets in trouble at school, always gets sick, and how he just couldn't seem to get anything right.

Then the shocker came. The woman sitting next to this lady, who was stuck listening to this crap, suddenly said "yes, but we have to love our children no matter what" and the loud mouth replied "Oh he's not my child he's just our foster kid"

You're fucking kidding me right?!?!?!?!?!

This woman is sitting here in a hospital ER bitching and moaning about how horrible this child is and he is a FOSTER CHILD! This is what makes me sick. We shouldn't have foster parents like this! We should have families that actually care about the children that come into their homes. We should have some way of weeding out foster parents like this who just don't give a fuck! This woman spent an hour and a half talking down about a foster child that has been through hell already. What has our system come to and will it ever get fixed? Will we ever really care about the children? Will they just keep being a political prop? A feel good for those who need an easy charity? Will someone not stand up and do what is right?

I went through 32 foster homes. Looking back on that now, maybe 5 were of quality to have children in their homes. I saw everything. I saw the foster dad's who needed a young girl around to entertain them, moms who needed a maid, grandmas who needed an older foster child to help take care of all the little foster children, pill heads who sold our stuff for a fix. You name it I saw it. Nothing has changed since I left the system. We praise politicians we vote for like they really do some good.

Newsflash: We have over 500,000 foster children in this country! Do you really think your government is taking care of them?!?

Monday, October 22, 2012

I finally Slept

I have been struggling to get to sleep for almost 2 weeks. When it isn't me it's my daughter waking up demanding mommy time. She seems to have a habit of doing this about 5 minutes after I turn my light out.

Last night she didn't wake up. She didn't need any extra mommy time. I was exhausted from the previous night. For some reason I have had 4 nightmares in 2 weeks. My nightmares had never gone away, but they sure weren't coming this often anymore until recently. I have no idea what triggered them. No clue what made they start again so often. So getting to sleep consists of me laying there wondering if I'm going to fall into a nightmare as soon as I close my eyes.

Last night was different though. My husband was on his last work night for the week, yet I didn't feel like I needed him in bed to sleep. I just closed my eyes and out I was until 7am! Seven is late considering the time my girl normally wakes me.

Not one dream. Not anything. Comfortable darkness all night. Tonight my husband will be back home and I am sure I will sleep better. The dreams don't come when he is snuggled next to me. I hate that 2 weeks out of the month he has to work nights.

Off to start my day rested for a change!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Learning How to deal with life, without a family

14 years

14 of my birthdays, 15 combined birthdays between my children, two marriages, 1 divorce, 3 births, 14 Christmas, 14 Thanksgivings, first words, first steps, and so much more is what my parents missed out on. It has been 14 years today since I left home, or should I say since I was taken and placed in foster care. I aged out of the system with no one. No mother to hold my hand when I went into labor, no motherly advice when my child had colic, no father to set my first husband straight or at least put some fear in him so I would stop being his punching bag, no one ever there to hold my hand though life or tell me when I was messing up. No I had to figure everything out on my own.
Not having parents isn't always a bad thing. The pain that comes from it can be hard at times, but figuring out how to keep the pain from making you miserable can be the hardest part. Always remember that pain is a normal part of any loss. If you aren't feeling pain over a loss then you need to figure out why. All bad things have to be dealt with even when we think the easiest way out is pretending the problem doesn't exist.

Life is not fair

  • The most important thing to do is accept there is nothing you can do to get your family back. Even if there was it probably wouldn't be what you wished for.
  • No matter if you lost your parents because they died or if you lost them because they did something wrong always remember it was not your fault. Things happen in life that we just can not control. Accepting that is one of the keys to happiness!
  • Moving on is another important thing. Even when it feels like the past keeps coming back to haunt you, hold your head up and push forward. Moving on doesn't mean you have to forget. In my opinion you don't even have to forgive to move forward. Just think of what is best and do it.
  • If moving forward seems impossible then you are not done grieving. Grieving is an important process that comes with any loss. One must go through all of the needed emotions before ever really moving on. Feel sad, feel angry, cry, scream, write, whatever you need to do.
  • Create your own family without feeling guilty. My husband and children are so rewarding that the loss of my family sometimes feels like nothing.
  • The final thing is to remember life is not fair! As much as we all would like it to be it just isn't. The quicker we can accept that the quicker we can move on.

End of the day

At the end of the day, the key to life is always looking at what we do have and being grateful for it. We don't have to ignore what we don't have and the pain that comes with it, but we do have to put that pain on the back burner so we can move forward and appreciate the good things in life Life is what we make it. No matter what you have been though, who you have lost, or why you lost them you can make life good again. Just hold your head up and push through. Eventually the pain will lesson and the clouds will clear. Until then, stay strong!