Sunday, October 21, 2012

Learning How to deal with life, without a family

14 years

14 of my birthdays, 15 combined birthdays between my children, two marriages, 1 divorce, 3 births, 14 Christmas, 14 Thanksgivings, first words, first steps, and so much more is what my parents missed out on. It has been 14 years today since I left home, or should I say since I was taken and placed in foster care. I aged out of the system with no one. No mother to hold my hand when I went into labor, no motherly advice when my child had colic, no father to set my first husband straight or at least put some fear in him so I would stop being his punching bag, no one ever there to hold my hand though life or tell me when I was messing up. No I had to figure everything out on my own.
Not having parents isn't always a bad thing. The pain that comes from it can be hard at times, but figuring out how to keep the pain from making you miserable can be the hardest part. Always remember that pain is a normal part of any loss. If you aren't feeling pain over a loss then you need to figure out why. All bad things have to be dealt with even when we think the easiest way out is pretending the problem doesn't exist.

Life is not fair

  • The most important thing to do is accept there is nothing you can do to get your family back. Even if there was it probably wouldn't be what you wished for.
  • No matter if you lost your parents because they died or if you lost them because they did something wrong always remember it was not your fault. Things happen in life that we just can not control. Accepting that is one of the keys to happiness!
  • Moving on is another important thing. Even when it feels like the past keeps coming back to haunt you, hold your head up and push forward. Moving on doesn't mean you have to forget. In my opinion you don't even have to forgive to move forward. Just think of what is best and do it.
  • If moving forward seems impossible then you are not done grieving. Grieving is an important process that comes with any loss. One must go through all of the needed emotions before ever really moving on. Feel sad, feel angry, cry, scream, write, whatever you need to do.
  • Create your own family without feeling guilty. My husband and children are so rewarding that the loss of my family sometimes feels like nothing.
  • The final thing is to remember life is not fair! As much as we all would like it to be it just isn't. The quicker we can accept that the quicker we can move on.

End of the day

At the end of the day, the key to life is always looking at what we do have and being grateful for it. We don't have to ignore what we don't have and the pain that comes with it, but we do have to put that pain on the back burner so we can move forward and appreciate the good things in life Life is what we make it. No matter what you have been though, who you have lost, or why you lost them you can make life good again. Just hold your head up and push through. Eventually the pain will lesson and the clouds will clear. Until then, stay strong!

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